While pregnant with our twins, I never knew how my heart would be able to love two new babies as much I loved my 2-year-old. It’s difficult to even write that now, because I can’t imagine living one breath without them. All of my anxious thoughts dissipated the moment we locked eyes. My heart just grew in size, as they say, with overflowing love for each of my kids.
After the adrenaline wore away, the oxytocin highs of nursing lessened, and the sleep deprivation started to settle into my bones, things became a bit harder. Though my heart was more than capable of holding love for everyone, my body and mind was being stretched so thin.
I couldn’t hold both of my babies at once.
I wasn’t able to tend to every request to play with my toddler.
How could my body produce enough to feed my babies?
My house was a disaster of dishes and toys and laundry.
Oh, how hard it was so hard to be a mom and a wife and a woman over the course of a day.
Two babies were crying for me and I was crying too because I didn’t feel I was enough for them.
Though motherhood is magical in so many ways, those are the hard times of having babies or toddlers or kids. Those moments we feel like we just can’t do it all.
It was a profound moment *in a slightly sarcastic tone* when I received the advice I so desperately needed to hear. I cried to my mom one day about how torn I felt in giving everyone what they needed; I just felt like I wasn’t being good enough for anyone. She gently told me, from the wise position of the outside looking in, that it was okay to lower my expectations a little bit and give myself a little grace.
I literally felt a weight lifted from my body. I didn’t have to do it all. I couldn’t do it all! And no one expected me to do it all. Motherhood is an adjustment, no matter how many children you have or what phase you’re in. It might feel like chaos for a while, and that’s okay.
Give Yourself Some Grace
When you feel like you weren’t able to hold everyone long enough today…give yourself some grace.
When you lost your cool after the 7th toddler tantrum of the MORNING…give yourself some grace.
When you’re buying formula for the first time, and that wasn’t in your plan…give yourself some grace.
When you’re walking over laundry piles and pushing aside dirty dishes from whenever the last time you ate spaghetti was…give yourself some grace.
When you have to resort to handing the iPad to your toddler so you can feed another child or go pee or eat snacks behind closed doors…give yourself some grace.
You ARE enough. You CAN do this. Your kids DO know they’re loved. YOU remember the worst while THEY remember the best. Tomorrow is a new day where we can try our best again.
To You, Mama…
While you are a superhero because you’re an amazing mom (or a superhero princess, as my daughter would call you), you are still also human. Give yourself the love and grace and encouragement you would give to your sister or your friend in the same position. If you love your children, like I know you do, THAT is enough.
YOU are enough.
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