Dearest Little Boogs,
As you near your second birthday, I have come to realize that the differences between you and your brother are more than just looks and personality. How you were brought into the world and then raised have been quite different.
When I was pregnant with your brother, I counted down, week by week. They were documentated with carefully taken pictures to show the growth of my belly. I read all of the parenting and birth books I could get my hands on. I carefully curated the items in his nursery and the folded the tiny clothing with care.
Your pregnancy was much different.
If it wasn’t for an app on my phone, I don’t know if I would have known how far along I was most weeks. My bump pictures were often taken a day or two late. Your nursery is still not finished, despite my best efforts. Not to mention, most of your clothes came out of the boxes after you were home from the hospital.
When your brother was an infant, I carefully planned our day and appointments around his feeding and sleep schedule. I would cancel plans if they interfered with his naps. I meticulously researched all the sleep training methods and the different ways to introduce solids. Each occasion was marked with pictures and written in his baby book.
I would often strap you into a baby carrier and take you out, nap time or not, and just hoped you would sleep on the go. Appointments and outings happened when they happened, schedules often forgotten. Your first solid was probably something your brother offered you or something you found on the floor (real honesty here, people).
Well, at 22 months, we are still working on that thing. I figure you won’t go to college needing to be sung to and rocked.
I also hate to say it, I’m about 22 months behind on your baby book. Sorry about that, Boo.
By laying this all out, it sounds like I cared about your brother more as an infant. It’s simply not true. He was the only one there for me to focus on. With two of you, I’ve had to learn that sometimes you have to let things go. You have to do this to be in the moment for the both of you.
Your brother may have been the one to make me a mother, but you, my sweet boy, are the one who taught me that heart could grow more than I ever could have imagined. You are the one who helped me let go of the expectations and anxieties that seem to come with a being a first time mom and disappear the second time around.
I promise you that even though you were the second to join our family, you are not second in our hearts. You and your brother are so loved. While things tend to slide more than they did when it was just your brother, you bring so much joy to our lives.
I also promise you that I will have that baby book done by graduation! (Probably your high school one, but college at the absolute latest, I swear!)
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